


promise of tomorrow (and forever)

by artsyleo



Series: comfortember 2020 [24]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blackmail, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, Threats of Violence, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: comfortember prompt day 24 - panic attacksa (surprisingly highly) requested writing of the 'tomorrow to yesterday's (day 23) fic, with a sprinkling of dramatisation of spoliers
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: comfortember 2020 [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995826
Comments: 18
Kudos: 56





	promise of tomorrow (and forever)

**Author's Note:**

> tw for panic attack/mental breakdown, threats of violence/death

The world’s still mostly dark when Ben’s completely aware again. 

They hadn’t made it back to bed, not when Callum had been stumbling on his feet even before he’d made it out of the kitchen. They’d curled up close on the sofa instead, Callum’s head on Ben’s chest and his arms wrapped around, clinging as if he’s terrified Ben won’t be there when he wakes up. The thought crosses Ben’s mind that it’s not a completely irrational fear, and as much as he hates it it’s true. Whatever’s happened- Ben’s never seen Callum like this before, in all the time he’s known him. He’s forgiven Ben for more things than he can count, so the thought that Callum’s imagining whatever it is is unforgivable from Ben’s side- it’s  _ terrifying.  _

They’re holding close to each other, one of them always close to the edge of the sofa cushions no matter how they shift. It feels like a cruel joke- like maybe there isn’t enough space for the two of them here, and it’s only a matter of time before one of them falls off the edge. 

Ben’s on a promise of tomorrow, and it’s something that’s not left his mind the whole time he’d watched Callum’s  _ tomorrow _ turn into today. 

That fear of finality is back, and it’s just as suffocating as before. 

Callum moves against him, and it’s not for the first time. He knows in reality that the other man is awake- that he has been for the past hour or so, ever since he jolted just a little too hard, shook his head a little and muttered that he was  _ fine, go back to sleep _ . 

It’s almost funny that Callum thinks he could actually sleep like this, when it feels like the weight of the world is about to come between them. 

But he waits anyway, and watches closely as Callum waits too. He’s gone still, but Ben’s smarter than that. He’s slept by Callum’s side too many times to not know the sound of his breathing, the way his breaths hitch a little when he’s just falling or just waking up. The way he snores - not that he’ll ever admit it - when he’s properly out. Maybe it’s something that he should be embarrassed about, admitting to himself that he catalogues the way Callum sleeps. But he can’t bring himself to feel that now. He can’t bring himself to feel anything but apprehension. 

And so he waits, because if Callum feels anything like him right now, maybe he’s trying to hold onto blissful ignorance a little while longer, and Ben would be cruel to deny him that. 

The next time Callum shifts - a little too sudden, a little too far to be accidental - his arm tightens where it’s wrapped around Callum almost instinctually, like protecting the man beside him is just second nature now. Maybe it is- maybe that explains why the thought that Callum’s in danger makes him feel like everything’s falling apart. His facade is broken, and so is Callum’s, and suddenly there’s no running away from it any more. 

A finger comes against his stomach where his t-shirt has risen a little in the night, and Callum’s skin is icy cold on his own. He traces letters there with such gentleness, such care that it doesn’t feel fitting for a  _ Mitchell _ . 

_ Good morning _ , he spells out, as if Ben’s slept at all. As if he hasn’t just desperately watched tomorrow turn into today. The audio processor for his implant lies on the coffee table, mocking him for believing that he’d actually be able to settle. 

“Morning,” he croaks out, his voice heavier than he’d expect it to be, like it’s still weighed down with the emotion of the night before. A reluctant hand shoots out from the warmth to search the coffee table in the dark, eventually finding the processor where he’d neft it. He takes his other hand back and prays Callum doesn’t dare move in the time it takes for him to connect them together again and settle, because as much as he’s ready for the truth he’s not ready for the conversation.

_ Fuck,  _ maybe he’s not ready for the truth at all. It all depends on everything else. 

“Tomorrow,” he whispers after Callum’s quiet for a while and it makes him feel cruel when Callum tenses up at his side but he can’t take it anymore, isn’t sure how long the two of them can take it. “You promised me tomorrow.” 

Callum sighs, little and desperate, and nods against his chest. “I did.”

Silence, and Ben can hear the way Callum’s gathering his thoughts. 

“Are you sure about this?” 

The nervous tone of Callum’s voice throws him and he wants to shout, to plead  _ no I’m not sure, I’m not sure about anything apart from the fact that I love you _ , but he can’t. It’s his duty- protecting his family, and Callum is a part of that. He has to know. 

“Yeah,” he replies, and he’s sure Callum notices the lack of conviction in his voice but he doesn’t say anything, which Ben’s grateful for. He can’t explain right now. 

Callum starts to shift away, putting weight back into his own body and Ben mourns the loss of touch immediately but starts to sit up too, recognising what this could be, what it could mean. They wait for a minute, sitting side by side even though it feels like there’s miles in between them, the sun just starting to rise and shine through the gaps in the blinds on the windows. It makes lines trace across the room, lines of pure sunlight and it feels like it’s supposed to mean something that one cuts right through Callum. 

“I’ve- I think… I’ve gotten myself into something,” Callum starts, his voice shaking. “Something that I don’t know how to get out of.” 

The vagueness of it makes Ben’s heart race but he can’t interfere, too scared that maybe then he won’t get the whole story. 

“My boss- DI Thompson- I know you think that it was me that got rid of that CCTV, but it wasn’t-” 

Fuck, Ben’s almost blocked that out of his mind but he lets himself go back there, to the fear that had been going through him when that had all played out, the very real fear that he was leaving all of this behind for prison bars. 

“Thompson stopped me. Found out about the footage. He- he made me a deal,” Callum pauses, and it feels like an edge, like  _ this is the big reveal  _ and Ben wants nothing more than to press pause, exist in this blissfully ignorant moment for just a little longer. It feels too much like when he hears this next sentence, there’s no going back to the way things were. “You would go free, if I helped him take down Phil, and I agreed. He’s been blackmailing me since then.” 

Betrayal stings like nothing else. 

_ God,  _ especially when it’s coming from Callum, the man who holds his love so definitely that there’s no way he could take it back. 

Suddenly he’s grateful for the space, because it feels like he needs it to sort everything racing around his head. 

“You- you mean- all this time. All that shit about my dad- working with him,” he starts, anger mixed with love in such a strange combination that he doesn't understand it, but there’s still love waging war against everything else in his chest, love for the man that he wanted to be his forever. “All this time you were trying to take him down.”

“Yeah,” he admits, voice low and ashamed. “For you, Ben. Everything- everything I’ve done- I just wanted to protect you.” 

“I don’t- I don’t get it,” he says and it’s painfully true, there’s so much he doesn’t understand. There’s all sorts burning through him at such a speed that he has to stand up, has to move  _ something  _ so he pulls himself from the sofa, paces to the other side of the room. “You- you thought I’d be okay with all of this?” 

“No,” Callum replies and it’s painfully, brutally honest. “But that didn’t matter. All that mattered, Ben- all that matters to me now is you- making sure that you’re safe. It was the only way.” 

Ben hates himself for not noticing the way Callum’s breaths start to hitch, the way there’s now fear mixed into everything he says but he’s too caught up in himself. 

“You could’ve put my dad in prison, Callum!” he shouts and nothing else matters, nothing outside of this room in that moment. “You- all that stuff I said about wanting you to be a Mitchell. All of that  _ shit  _ about making a Mitchell out of you and you did this?” 

“I-I’m sorry-” 

“Yo- you’re sorry? What, and blackmail, what was he threatening  _ you _ with, your job?” he seethes, and it’s a low blow that he hates himself for but he has to get his head around this.

“My life,” Callum utters out between stuttering breaths, and even in the low light he’s too damn pale. 

Ben hears the words, then  _ processes  _ them, and his heart stops. 

“You- what?” 

“He- he threatened- threatened to kill m-me,” Callum says and he meets Ben’s eyes for the first time, and there’s fear like he’s never seen in them. “H-his bosses- getting too close. He said- said if I didn’t get Phil- he’d kill me, a-and frame y-you for it.” 

His stomach drops out, and all of the anger in him is just gone at the pure terror in Callum as he stumbles to his feet, breathing too fast as he comes towards Ben.

“B-Ben please- please I couldn’t- couldn’t let him do that to you-” 

Ben’s heart races again at the realisation that even with his life being threatened, Callum’s only thought had been  _ Ben _ .

“-couldn’t do that t-to us. Pl-please don’t leave me, Ben- please-” 

Pleading as Callum collapses into him, clawing at him and it’s all too familiar, thoughts of six months ago when it had been him on the other side of this-

_ I don’t wanna do this anymore _ . 

-and there’s nothing else he could possibly do but hold Callum against him, hold him as he collapses to the floor, breaths still too harsh against the skin of Ben’s neck. He’s saying something, apologising too quietly over and over with every breath he can, frantic and  _ terrifying _ .

Ben takes a hold of his head, brings his mouth to Callum’s ear. 

“Hey, come on. Deep breaths. Please, you can do this. You’re safe here, I promise.” 

When Callum realises that maybe Ben’s not about to up and leave, he claws onto him, presses against him like he’s still terrified this is all a cruel joke and that Ben’s going to leave him on the ground like this. 

Ben doesn’t though- couldn’t. He drowns out Callum’s mantra of apologies with simple words, ones that he hopes desperately are going to help-

_ You’re safe. I love you. You’re safe.  _

-

He’s not convinced whether Callum falls asleep or faints against him, but it’s light out by the time he comes around again. 

They’re curled together on the floor, Ben’s back against the wall and Callum half across him, clinging to him tight even in unconsciousness. It loosens a little when he’s aware again, like he thinks Ben’s going to kick him away now that Callum’s no longer mid-panic attack. 

“We’re gonna fix this,” Ben says quietly, and the  _ we  _ feels so powerful when he thinks of Callum by his side. “Me and you.” 

Callum sighs and his hands tighten around Ben, the relief palpable in the air.

“I love you, I’m so sorry,” he mutters, and his voice is almost gone, completely hoarse. 

Ben nods. “I love you too.  We’re gonna do this, I promise you that.” 

It’s a new promise, a promise of more than tomorrow. A promise of  _ whatever the future brings, whatever happens next we’ll do it together _ . 

It’s a promise Ben intends to keep. They are Mitchells, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i may have gone a bit extreme with this one but like its midnight and im tired and this just ran away with itself heh  
> anyways i hope u enjoyed, comments and kudos mean the world to me and lots of love to u all  
> leo x (come yell at me on tumblr if u wish @artsy-highway)


End file.
